5 steps to effectively dealing with problems

We've all had times where there is something at the back of our minds that just keeps nagging away at us. We know it's there and we roughly know what it is but we keep avoiding it. Often, these are just everyday stresses but if left alone they nag away at us, causing anxiety and suffering.

So, what is it that stops us looking at our problems?

Fear.

Fear that the issue we have can't be resolved or that to resolve the fear will require suffering e.g. owning up to some disloyalty with a friend or telling your boss you messed something up. However, avoiding the issue doesn't mean that the problem isn't there or that it will go away of its own accord. Moreover, looking at the issue won't make it any worse – you are only looking at it, so really you are suffering for nothing. So stop! What's the point in continuing this anxiety?

Deal with the issue in a systematic way and start moving on with your life. Tackle the problem head on by following each of the stages below to get to a point where you can be free of this background noise.

1. Get started

Often getting started is the hardest part. As stated, fear is what has prevented you doing this before, so at this point you will need a bit of courage to take the first step. If you really want to be free of anxiety you will need to establish what the problem is by establishing exactly what it is that's bothering you. Stating the issue precisely can only be done by being honest with yourself. Ask yourself, what is it that I am avoiding thinking about? Find a sentence that sums it up and say it out loud to yourself or a friend - this alone will relieve some of the stress. If you find you can't hit the nail on the head, then you're not being honest enough. This is where your mind will help you if you ask it; keep asking questions about your problem and eventually the summary will pop into your mind.

2. Take it to the extreme

Once you've established what the issue is, take it to the extreme: Ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen? And then go for it…go all the way and look at the worst thing that could happen as a result of what you have been anxious about. Next, see if this is really likely because our fears are often irrational. However, if the worst could happen, then you have to fully accept this as a possibility and accept that it could happen. By acknowledging this extreme outcome as feasible, the fear of it will begin to dissipate. From here, think through what you would do if this outcome were to occur. OK, so maybe this scenario is far from ideal but will the world be over?...It’s unlikely and in most cases life will go on with the fear greatly reduced.

3. Find solutions, they are there

Once you have established and accepted that the worst could happen, you are free to think about how to solve things. Fear shrinks the minds capacity to think clearly. Having reduced your fear, give yourself the opportunity to come up with solutions.

Take it as read, that every hopeless situation has at least two solutions; this will spur you on to look for them. Often the reason you think nothing can be done is because for a long time you have avoided thinking about it.

It may also be that you don't need to be that concerned. Perhaps you are fretting about something that might never happen. Prepare for it but remember you only need to cross that bridge when you reach it (don't lose yourself from it, just sort the things that need to be sorted out first).

4. Make decisions.

Once you've thought through what you will do, if and when the time has come to make a decision, make it and put yourself in a position of no return. Make yourself follow through on what you've decided is right. Don't leave things unresolved or to chance as this is just wanting to fail.

5. Lastly…come to terms with your resolution

One thing that will get in the way of making a decision and following through on it, is the thought that it might not work. To surmount this obstacle remember you can only do your best - there is nothing more you can do. Do your best and you will have peace of mind you did everything you could. I did my best and then whatever happens, happens.